"Jag hade älskat att veta vem jag är tidigare, men jag älskar att veta vem jag är nu" En studie om att leva utan ord för sin könsidentitet i en cisnormativ värld

Sammanfattning: The field of trans studies is a growing, yet still small field within the Nordic context. There is a big gap in research regarding non-binary' lives, and research aimed at the intersection between age and gender identities beyond or between the gender binary is close to non-existent in Sweden. The aim of this study is to investigate experiences of not having a language to describe and communicate one’s gender identity, and further how identity descriptive words change the individual’s self-perception. With the help of Judith Butler’s theory of interpellation, together with my expanded version of Butler’s heterosexual matrix to the cisnormative matrix, this study also discusses how normative discourses regarding transgender' lives impact the lives of non-binary' individuals. Through six semi-structured interviews with participants born 1977 or earlier, all identifying beyond or between the gender binary, the study concludes that language remains a vital part of the participants' anchoring in the world. To reflect oneself in words is understood as a way of becoming intelligible as a subject. However, normative discourses function as new gatekeepers for the participants to adhere to. They can be said to reproduce the binary gender system instead of challenging it.